Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday, 9/5

Hello! Apparently I have had some visitors. 16 of them, to be exact. I was #1 on the blog counter.

You are certainly welcome to come here and see what I am doing, but please keep in mind that this site is strictly for me to muse and think about what I'm eating and figure out how to better manage my choices.

I may show up frequently, I may not show up for a while. I hopefully will be reporting in at least once a week with a picture of my Food Sheets.

I conceived of this blog site to augment a weekly e-mail I'm sending to Richard with my stats and any comments I have about my progress in getting back to goal. If he wants to see my food sheets before I get to class, or if I'm not going to class but want my food sheets to be available for his review, this site is here.

The reason I conceived of this site is that four weeks ago, he asked me how much weight I had kept off in class and an untrue number popped out of my mouth before I even knew what happened. I was on the point of a breakdown for the rest of the Project Me and all of the Sweat class. I had been discussing with my therapist for weeks at what point in my weight struggle am I going to start being dishonest. I found out that day.

I sometimes find it easier to be honest when I'm writing than talking. It takes the emotion out of reporting statistics. That's how the weekly e-mail to Richard got started. Immediately after class, I came home, e-mailed the real stats to him, and apologized for my transgression.

He did not think it was a big deal. I did. I am NOT, and I repeat, I AM NOT going back to the self deceptive, angry woman I was at the beginning of this journey. Weight was the cosmetic evidence of that anger. I am going to be honest and transparent and hopefully get my poundage back to where I'm most comfortable. Food Sheets were the last area in which I was lying by omission. I need to be an honest person, so here I am.

You're free to comment or not, but it doesn't really matter. I like it when you comment on my regular blog because I write that for fun or to relieve stress or to express emotion. This blog is just for reporting the facts. And figuring out what I need to do to get my eating life back into order.

Thank you.

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