Saturday, October 3, 2009

Food Sheets, End 10/2/09

I don't have a lot to say: I'll just copy the letter to Richard here, and post my food sheets.

Good Morning Richard:

Well, we're back to the issue of a few weeks ago. Cosmos is really on his last legs now. I almost had him put down yesterday morning, then Risa (our friend and animal sitter) came by and because he wasn't in any pain, suggested that we do one last ditch effort at getting him to eat. I picked up two syringes of the Appetite Shot from the vet yesterday, gave him one mid afternoon, and he ate last night. But today, no matter what I offered him, he barely took anything.

Risa came by this evening again, and we agree that I'll try one more shot tomorrow night. I've added yet another anti-nausea med to his regime, and am flooding him with IV fluids, but hold out very little hope. My formerly obese dog is a walking skeleton; he looks at food like he's hungry and interested, but when it comes time to eat, he just can't. Typical end-stage renal failure.

Of course, this means that I'm cooking things like bacon and hot dogs and such, and when he refuses to touch them, I'm back to them going into my mouth. Richard, I could pretend that I was going to try not to do it over the next few days which with all likelyhood will be Cosmos's last, but that would be a lie. I'm going to continue to cook all these horrible foods in the hopes that he will start eating again for a week or two, and if he doesn't, I can't imagine the stress not getting to me and me not eating them myself. I'd rather be honest about it. Once Cozie is gone, anything that is left is going into the trash bin.

I did track my food although I admit to several days where I had to go back and fill in the day around midnight, but I think I caught all the high and low points. I also realized that I was not incorporating enough vegetables and fruits into my diet, and am trying to get more in. Hence the 5 pound bag of broccoli florets that I bought from Costco that are nearly gone.

My weight stats did not change from last week. No weight gained, but none lost either.

Here are the stats:
Weight this week - 164
Weight last week - 164
Highest recent weight - 173 - down 9 pounds
QVC Pic Weight - 153, 11 pounds to go
Very highest known weight - 358; Down 194 pounds.
Best former goal weight - 148 - 17 pounds to get back there.

I can hardly stand watching Cosmos like this, but feel like I have to give him one last chance at life. The problem with the whole situation is that he is completely mentally acute and aware, and I know that he knows that life-and-death matters are at hand. He doesn't want to leave me; he keeps trying to eat, but just can't. I don't know if I want him to go on and continue living like this for a few weeks more, or just let him go.

Risa - who also loves Cosmos but since he isn't her dog, she can see things more objectively - agrees with me. I will go with the next appetite shot tomorrow night. If he still can't eat on Sunday/Monday, I will probably take him in either late Monday or early Tuesday. I love and am bonded with this dog more than any dog i've ever known, but the situation is torture for both of us. I can't stand the thought of living without him, but can't stand watching him die slowly day by day either.

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